Wednesday, January 03, 2007

a few days of introspection

when i was fifteen my father passed away. i watched,numb,as the nurses stood in the door way crying softly. nurses that he had supervised for 20+ years, stood in the doorway of the small corner room of the ICU crying softly.

as doctors came in and walked back out again their heads lowered. with still no answers why he had lapsed into the coma.

as my mother and grandmother leaned over him wiping the blood away from his nose.

that night i went home and sat on the street corner curb watching the cars pass by.
filing up in front of the from new hampshire and massachusettes. from florida and georgia.even from washington. people filing out.going up into the house trying to pull my mother out of the hell she was currently wallowing in. an empty shell sitting on the couch staring at my dads jacket on the back of the chair in the foyer.

and i ran. in a blur of angry tears. to the park 1/2 mile down the road. and i sat on the bank of the pond and I stared at the ripples the wind caused on it's surface. i sat there for hours watching it's surface. eventually it grew dark. eventually the street lights came on. and i sat there mesmorized by the glow of the light dancing on the water.

and i saw myself reflected....and i wasn't sure. exactely what to make of the image i did see..............

so i get up off the couch and i go back to the bathroom and lock the door and stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself. at the shape of my eyes and my nose and my lips. my hair and my ears and the length of my neck.

it's eight years later....and i see myself reflected....and i'm not quite sure.exactely.what to make of the image i see.