Saturday, October 07, 2006

The serenity of silence

At some point,during the Tornado that is life,you reach the eye of the storm. Life in it's many complex forms swirls around and attempts to sweep you away. And more often than not you find yourself caught up in the confligeration. But every once in a while you reach the center of it. You reach a moment of absolute silence inside of yourself. Have you ever heard complete silence? It is the most beautifull sound.

It is a moment of introspection. A moment of discovery and appreciation.

And it makes me think.It's been so long since I've prayed. Since I took advantage of the quiet and thanked God for all that I do have,instead of worrying about what I do not have. It makes me think back on life growing up and it seems the best times were when we were short on money. When it seemed the worlds sense of vertigo had finally grabbed ahold and caused us to fall.

I remember a day about ten years ago. I had come home from school to find my mom on her knees in the living room crying. My ever sick father had his arms wrapped around her. At first I thought they were talking. I tried to creep into the kitchen quietly,but then I realized that they were praying. I turned the corner and stood there listening.

"...we've got a roof over our heads,food in our mouths and four beautifull children. The rest will work instelf out. Trust me. Trust him."

And that was the point when I realized that although my mom handled the bills and did the carpooling. That even though she handed out the lunches and the spankings,my dad was really the back bone. Sure she held up work, bills,4 children and a husband battling diabetes. But who was holding her up?

I found a new compassion for my mom and admiration for my dad that day.

I look at my daughter and think of all the fear felt while being pregnant. But then I think of the giggles and the sound of her voice when she says "Mommyyyy". All the smiles and mini milestones and I couldn't love her more.

I look at Chip and I get that same warm feeling as when I walked into the living room that day so long ago.

And I thank God for these moments. For how very blessed I am. I thank him for a quiet spirit,for the serenity of silence.